RECOLLECTIONS
Founder/President of Children's Rights Initiative for Shared Parenting, Kumar Jahgirdar has helped so many people, that he has lost count himself. |
Many have asked me, what is a young guy like me, doing in the Men's Rights Movement. Some are amused, some are curious. This is the story of how I ended up here and why the movement has my undying support.
There comes a time in
everyone’s life, when their path shall cross with something greater than
themselves. When that happens there are only three ways to do things: you go
about your business as usual though amused and intrigued, you decide you will
take control and lead or you stand back and enjoy the show. I’m the third kind
of person. Eventuality is taking shape in front of me, and I am a proud witness
to have the knowledge of this ticking bomb.
MRM is the story of Men and Women in the process of building that bomb. I have seen their faces. I know each one of them. I wish I could say I want to sit back, relax and laugh as hard as possible when these terrorists take India by surprise. But they don’t believe in hiding much. In fact they are everywhere. Perhaps you may have seen them on TV. But the Indian news media is downplaying them. They are morphing the names of their organizations into entirely fictional ones so that the media’s own agenda is complied with. They call them as guests on talk shows and turn it into a 7 against 1 argument. They portray them as buffoons, lampooning and reducing them into caricatures. They dismiss them thinking they are misogynists.
Why? Because the media probably does not understand them either. These so called misogynistic cultural terrorists are not exactly saying things that are in vogue. In this country we have had a great history of dismissing people before hearing their views and banning books before anyone reads them. But the Men and Women that belong to the rising tide of the Men’s Rights Movement in India, are unshaken. Their resolve is untarnished. This is the story of my path crossing with theirs.
After an episode of seduction leading up to a ridiculous break-up in college three
years ago, I went into a frenzy. As a boy fresh out his small town existence, I
was shocked to see the kind of apathy I was met with outside of a circle where
people knew almost nothing about me or my character. I was studying in Pune
then. My so-called ex-girlfriend accused me of “kind of” raping her. (The truth
was she just wanted to get rid of me, because she had found a man whom she saw
as better than me.) This was enough gunpowder for those closest to me, to turn
their backs on me. My own friends looked at me with disgust. I made the mistake
of confiding into some by telling them that I wasn’t guilty. Some wanted me to “act
mature”, “suck it up”, “man up” and “quit complaining”. Others were of the view
that it was “probably your (my) fault”, “no self respecting woman would accuse
a guy of rape just like that”, “I should be sent to jail”, “quit troubling her
and trying to ask why, or we will go to the cops.”
A few came up with rather creative ways to substantiate and connect dots that never existed in the first place. It was an attempt to make me look as if I was a pervert. Very soon even my blank gaze into abyss was turned into an urban myth. A friend later revealed that many thought that I was a pervert who stares at his colleagues’ boobs. Many suddenly "got the feeling" that "I have my eye on them."
Here’s a question: what if the girl in question, wasn’t a self respecting woman? If we were to crawl out of the holes of ignorance induced by nearly a hundred years of feminist propaganda in India, male shaming and false claims of a little thing called ‘patriarchy’ it is easy to see that not all women are born with a dash of self respect. Women are as human as men, and share similar, if not the same flaws as men today. And if the reader of this piece were to reduce this to the age old cliché argument of “most women are not like that” I would ask the reader to substantiate any of their claims beginning with “most women”. Most of these claims about “most women” begin with most common myths and assumptions about them. Myths that are so old that may have been true once upon a time, but in this age of Third Wave Feminism, have no ground.
Dismayed and disillusioned by how cruelly my friends and colleagues turned me guilty until
Easily India's answer to Matt O' Connor (from the notorious Fathers 4 Justice in the UK) Virag Dhulia does not even believe in bullshit, much less buy it. Perhaps one of the most vocal and articulate MRAs in India, Virag is a Technical Architect by profession and an ass kicker by choice. Virag has been invited to Rajya Sabha Standing Committee and has taken the movement inside the Parliament. He is also the head of Gender Studies, at Confidare India and believes that the battle must be waged on both legal and academic front. |
Eventually I started believing that I did in fact rape her. That it was my fault. Days passed, and on one hazy evening I drank till I couldn’t move. I lay flat on my bed, and kept crying. After looking it up on the internet I set my mind to buying a household product with chemical compounds that could prove lethal if consumed copiously. While laying there in the said condition I made token calls to people I had been closest to. My mother and my cousin I grew up with in my hometown, also studying with me. I love him a lot, I don’t tell it enough.
In the next two hours my cousin called up my roommate because of the way I talked got
Deepika Bharadwaj is a media person through and through. She's a journalist, an anchor and a filmmaker. For the past few years she has been struggling to complete her documentary Martyrs of Marriage. A lack of funds has slowed down the film in its final stages. But she isn't in it just for the sake of a story or her film. MRM is no fun and games for her and she is one of the biggest advocates of the goals of the Men's Movement in India. |
My experience made me question everything. I knew that there was something called the Men’s Rights Movement in the US. I had watched some videos on YouTube and I felt that I was connecting really well to what was being said. I would later discover that most of these faces were very big names globally in the Men’s Rights Movement. People like Karen Straughan, Warren Farrell and Paul Elam. The consciousness western men had achieved, in terms of their role as a gender in their respective societies was shocking. In
Anil Kumar makes Robots for fun. No really, that's his job! He is a Robotics Engineer, and is the true nightmare of Indian Feminists. The Director of Indian News Desk on the internationally acclaimed MRM mouthpiece A Voice for Men, his hobbies include revelations and debunking of Feminist influenced or sponsored "statistics". Soft spoken but stern, disliked by Feminists but respected by Indian MRAs in equal measure Anil is credited with bringing international attention to the Indian movement. He is also one of the founding fathers of the movement in India. Even as you read this, he is busy creating Anti- Feminist Terminators in his basement. |
I was graduating in Media and 2 years of studies had taught me that there is absolutely no such movement or idea that is being discussed somewhere in the world, and not in India. We really do have everything in India, if we look really hard. So as I sat in the computer lab of my college I ran a search for Men’s Rights Movement in India, and indeed it was there! Not just that, it was already eight years strong, the largest and most vibrant movement anywhere in the world, minimal split when compared to other parts of the world, but above all, untouched by western
Sandesh Chopdekar (centre) is one of the chief counsellers at Men's Rights Association, Pune. He is one of the most influential members in Pune and has admiration from other members. His resolve to make good and fix things inspires everyone and as the person who has heard hundreds of stories of the victims of false cases or just plain gender bias against men, and his own legal knowledge make him a very sharp individual. Even though there is practically nothing you can say that he can't counter -argue, he has a policy about new members. He allows new guys to express their emotions as much as possible. |
To my absolute amusement it was only a large group of guys that only met in a public park. Under a shade these guys sat together in groups offering each other legal counsel, emotional support and above all allowed people to cry. They accepted masculinity as it came. They did not just assume there was something wrong with people who came to see them. They were not a mission to fixing men. They were only asking to curb and revoke unfair and biased laws. They were demanding back something which was rightfully ours – our dignity. They were willing to listen.
Manpreet Bhandari is only his alias. He is really Superdad who is often seen standing on the streets of Bangalore, protesting for equal rights of parents towards shared parenting. |
In months to come, I would realize that my problem was nothing in comparison to what other people are going through. They couldn’t see their children, have turned practically broke paying constant alimony, have been duped by lawyers several times, have had their entire family jailed over false dowry cases, over false domestic violence cases, sisters have lost their brothers, mothers have lost their sons. And all, for what – an assumed imagery of women being always right and moral? I met people and I talked to people that changed me. It wasn’t about me anymore. It wasn’t a grudge I was harbouring due to a failed relationship and the unfairness I was met with. This had become larger than me.
I’m still studying to shape my future and career. And
NOTE: The images of Men's Rights Activists displayed on this post are the people who have inspired me the most or have been close acquaintances.
-End of Log-
~The RED Indian~